Monday, December 28, 2009

Consistency and personal preferences

Lately, as I've been submitting my applications to MFA programs, I've been thinking about my writing process/style.  I've gotten better at being consistent with my writing, as in writing more frequently.  But I've found that there are some days when I just can't get anything to come, and there are other days when the floodgates open and I write for hours and hours.  After those sessions I tend to not write anything for a couple days.  Thinking about grad school, this sort of worries me.

It took me forever to drum up a good work ethic as a student.  I coasted in high school, and also the first couple years of college.  Hit and miss: an A here, a C there, the occasionally D.  A GPA hovering around average, sometimes rising above and dipping below.  But after some bad experiences sophomore year--regarding the outside questioning of my academic integrity and some inner struggles--I forced a work ethic out of me.  I transformed into the student/writer/thinker I knew I really was inside, but until then I'd never been able to reconcile my lackadaisical lifestyle with my academic interests.  But I finally bucked up last year (junior year) and now I've gotten straight A's every semester since.

The thing is, it took me forever to come to those internal epiphanies, and even now I'm still lazy quite often, not writing because "I don't feel like it" or "I'm not inspired."  I know this needs to change, and this semester's been good for that, since I've been forced and forced to write and write and write, especially when i didn't feel like it, and I found out that I could do it, even though it was painful.  I just hope when I get to grad school--wherever I end up going--that I can find the energy and willpower to write even when I don't want to.

I'm just so lazy.  Call it lackadaisical, call it carefree, call it quixotic, whatever--it usually ends up boiling down to the pure desire to not do anything except what I want to do at any certain point in time.  Gotta kick that habit, or at least keep it on a leash, only letting it go when the time is appropriate (i.e. when I don't have a deadline looming or projects to start).  Never before have I considered my contented laid-backness as a bad thing.  Gotta work on that before I continue with life.  Gotta write consistently even if that means writing when I don't want to. 

No one ever told me when I was in third grade that being a writer meant hard work.  Sigh.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Able to Breathe

Finals are done, the semester is over, and now I'm home.  I love this feeling.  There's just something about sitting on the home couch wrapped in a homemade blanket drinking homeground coffee while reading a collection of Steinbeck stories--which happens to be a gift from the previous Christmas.

In the last 2-3 weeks of the semester, I used up 2/3rds a ream of printer paper and almost an entire ink cartridge.  A little bit of that was for the 1st grad school app, but most of it was for school papers/stories.  I swear my fingers still hurt from typing.  After I handed in my final papers, I never thought I'd want to see anymore printed text or put pen to paper again for at least a week.  But somehow I just can't get away from writing.

Last year in my advanced composition class (given by a prof w/ a phd in rhetoric and composition), we did lots of tedious things that most people would find really boring.  Sentence imitations (semantic and semiotic, NOT just semiotic, else the prof would have our heads); learning greek words for writing techniques (synecdoche with a little polysyndeton, anyone?) as well as learning how to use and recognize said techniques; reading a book called 'Rhetorical Grammar' (awesome...basically teaches you the rules AND how to break them effectively).  I and my classmates complained about the 'busy work' of the class while we were in it, but now that I'm done with it I find myself coming back to what I learned time and again, despite wishing to forget about the intellectual pain that class put me through.

Imagine my horror when, while wrapped in a blanket and reading Steinbeck, I read a particularly awesome sentence and instantly thought "I must imitate it!"  By the time I was halfway to my journal and pen, I stopped and realized what I was doing.  Dear God, something a professor taught me actually stayed with me and influenced how I see/think about writing!  Shocking.  (I'm still trying to imitate that sentence...it's incredibly complex on a semiotic and a semantic level.)  Oh, and I actually brought my copies of Rhetorical Grammar and Literary Criticism back home for pleasure reading when I'm bored.  I think the transformation from indifferent student to obsessed academic is nearly about complete.

Point is, now that I'm in a relaxing, informal environment--with barely any obligations--I actually want to study the writing of authors I admire and work on my own stuff.  During the semester I lived for the end of the paper so I could go to the bar with my friends.  (By the way, Great Lakes' Burning River ale is fantastic.)  Sometimes I feel bad about this, that I would rather write when I don't actually have to.  Maybe it's just a psychological college student thing..."This is an assignment with a deadline, therefore I don't want to do it" type thing. 

So, the actual point is...it's the holidays!  Yay for a much lighter load of responsibilities and obligations!  Go to the bar with your friends and reconnect with your family, but in the cracks don't forget to jot down that story prompt or poem idea while you have the time.  And late at night or early in the morning when you're alone or the only one awake, instead of succumbing to the urge to watch mind-numbing late-night TV (and believe me, I'm an advocate of mind-numbing late-night TV), maybe spend some quality time with a favorite book or a favorite journal and pen.  The holidays--especially Christmas, since it's usually the longest--are some of the only instances when we actually have spare time to write.  Take advantage of it!

Hope everyone has a merry Christmas!