Lately, as I've been submitting my applications to MFA programs, I've been thinking about my writing process/style. I've gotten better at being consistent with my writing, as in writing more frequently. But I've found that there are some days when I just can't get anything to come, and there are other days when the floodgates open and I write for hours and hours. After those sessions I tend to not write anything for a couple days. Thinking about grad school, this sort of worries me.
It took me forever to drum up a good work ethic as a student. I coasted in high school, and also the first couple years of college. Hit and miss: an A here, a C there, the occasionally D. A GPA hovering around average, sometimes rising above and dipping below. But after some bad experiences sophomore year--regarding the outside questioning of my academic integrity and some inner struggles--I forced a work ethic out of me. I transformed into the student/writer/thinker I knew I really was inside, but until then I'd never been able to reconcile my lackadaisical lifestyle with my academic interests. But I finally bucked up last year (junior year) and now I've gotten straight A's every semester since.
The thing is, it took me forever to come to those internal epiphanies, and even now I'm still lazy quite often, not writing because "I don't feel like it" or "I'm not inspired." I know this needs to change, and this semester's been good for that, since I've been forced and forced to write and write and write, especially when i didn't feel like it, and I found out that I could do it, even though it was painful. I just hope when I get to grad school--wherever I end up going--that I can find the energy and willpower to write even when I don't want to.
I'm just so lazy. Call it lackadaisical, call it carefree, call it quixotic, whatever--it usually ends up boiling down to the pure desire to not do anything except what I want to do at any certain point in time. Gotta kick that habit, or at least keep it on a leash, only letting it go when the time is appropriate (i.e. when I don't have a deadline looming or projects to start). Never before have I considered my contented laid-backness as a bad thing. Gotta work on that before I continue with life. Gotta write consistently even if that means writing when I don't want to.
No one ever told me when I was in third grade that being a writer meant hard work. Sigh.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I used to be a giant slacker, too. I flunked out of my first year of college because I only went to class when I felt like it . . . which was seldom. But I think the important thing is to recognize it in yourself and push yourself not to be lazy on the things that matter to you, like writing :) Grad school will probably actually help you in that area, since it's just expected that you're writing all the time and you'll probably want to push yourself to live up to those expectations.
Post a Comment