It's been a while since I posted on here. I've been extremely busy with school and life in general--so much so that I looked at my calendar today and realized I'd been so busy that I stopped marking off the days. According to my calendar, it isn't even February 6th yet.
I've written lots of essays and research papers for school on many different topics, none of which were creative. These projects all seemed to collide at the same time, and I struggled to get everything done by the due dates (even though I know some of my profs would be a little lax with the due dates, I decided to force myself to get things done on time, like a good student). Also, I've been really (happily) busy with some clubs and such that I'm a part of. Consequently, I've been run-down and exhausted. Even if I did have the time to write creatively (I know I could have--maybe given up an hour of sleep to write, or bringing lunch back to the room to write and eat instead of eat in the dining hall with friends), but the thought hadn't much crossed my mind. At the end of the day I was so shot that all I could do was collapse in bed.
As a result, I've fallen a bit behind on my independent study novel. I plan to write really hard this week (since there's a lull in projects) and get caught up. Still, sometimes I have to question my drive/motivation. I know I COULD have had time, in retrospect, to write creatively. The question is, would it have been worthwhile, or would it have just been sloppy second crap, all my mental juices previously squeezed out in school projects? Also, would it have been healthy? I'm a bit under the weather--sinus infection, cold--due in part to the changing seasons and in part to stress. If I'd've made myself write creatively, would I have made myself even more sick? I think I probably would have, because at that point I'd be writing from a sense of obligation, and it would really just be another stressor on top of everything else. So, even though I regret falling behind, I think it's better for my health that I took an unintentional break from it.
It also doesn't help that the end of my time in college is in sight, and I still haven't heard back from UAF. I sent an email over Spring Break asking if there was something else I needed to do or something, and I got a response back that I've done everything I needed to do, and that I should expect to hear something by the end of March. (Even though I was originally told to expect a response in the BEGINNING of March.) I'd really rather not hear a rejection notice in May when I'm graduating. So, I'm trying to work out some fallback options. For the summer I'll be returning to work at Chatauqua Institution in some capacity, so that's at least a little buffer. I'll either go back to my old job in the Ticketing department there, or I might get accepted onto the Daily staff (the newspaper there), which I really hope will be the case (sent my app. a few weeks ago). Regardless of which job I work, I'm really looking forward to summer at Chautauqua again. Among many other awesome speakers and events, I'll get to see Salman Rushdie, Roger Rosenblatt and Ken Burns, so either way it'll be a good summer.
With time moving on and still no word from Alaska, I'm really trying to explore all my options. I've been dead set on this course of action, but if I don't get accepted I'll have to do something else, and I refuse to live with my parents longer than necessary. I love my family to pieces, but I need to get out on my own. I've actually grown strangely comfortable with the idea of not going to grad school, at least right away...if I don't, I could try for the Peace Corps (which I really want to do someday), or any number of other things. But I really do want to teach, so eventually I'll need at least an MFA (I want to get the PhD afterward, possibly in rhet/comp or lit). Anyway, it's an exciting and scary time right now.
Hopefully I can get back on the creative writing bandwagon this week. I guess we'll see what happens. Gotta keep my mind in the present!
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2 comments:
I feel for you. I remember that nervous time of waiting to hear back about grad school applications. I'm sure you'll hear something in the next few weeks.
I'm in something of a similar situation right now with applications for full time teaching jobs. I'm at the interview stage, but I'm sure it'll be several weeks still before I know whether I have any job offers, so my whole future is up in the air. I don't know if I'll be in the same position I'm in right now next fall or if I'll be moving across the country over the summer or if I'll still be living here but with a full time job. But as anxiety-inducing as it is to wait, it's also kind of fun in a weird way because I get to imagine the various possibilities and picture myself in different places. I recommend you do the same. Waste a little time daydreaming about what life will be like in Alaska or in Africa in the Peace Corps or wherever else.
I've definitely wasted a lot of time daydreaming about Alaska, hehe. In fact I had a dream that I went to UAF for the MFA, got a book published, met a girl there, got married, traveled all over Alaska with her, eventually settling back down in a little cabin and becoming a full-time professor at UAF and opening my own book shop. You can imagine how disappointed I was when I woke up!
But before I discovered the MFA in Alaska, I had been even more seriously thinking about the Peace Corps and daydreaming about that. Guess it's time to start juggling daydreams!
Good luck with your teaching job apps. It sounds like your school and students hold you in high regard, for your position...I think the odds are pretty good that you'll get accepted somewhere for full time. But who knows? Only time will tell.
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